We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
