I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
