My hair reeks of homosexuality.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
