thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
