I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Ladies don't puke and tell
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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