you guys were way drunker than both of me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
