What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
