I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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