her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
