Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
