Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
