trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
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I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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