The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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