I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
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Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
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I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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