i just google imaged poop.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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