my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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