a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
