I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She bit a glass in half.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
