You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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