I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
