i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
