he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
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All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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