you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
