the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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