Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
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