I want to have your abortion
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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