Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
