so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
