During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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