the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
