Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Floor bacon is actually really good
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
