my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
And then he peed in my hair
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