No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
