so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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