I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
