the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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