she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
