I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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