I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
