thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize