my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
