Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
