Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The Olympian is in my bed
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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