there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
