I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
