Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
