THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
