u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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