saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
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We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
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This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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