It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
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My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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