Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
