I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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