he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
