I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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