HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
