Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Send help, water and tortillas.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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