im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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