Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
