You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
