i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
