If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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