goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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