You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
