Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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