You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
