Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
