After last night, I could never be a politician.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
