I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
