No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You left your phone here
Wait...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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